walking away from the red couch.

my emotions are on high alert today.  the conflicting excitement of what’s about to begin in the next twenty four hours mixed with the fact that i have to say goodbye.  just, well.  there have been some tears.  and maybe a cuss word.  or two. or twelve.

for me, it’s the goodbye of such a sweet season.  because when i come back, everything is sure to be different.  i’m not on hiatus from a routine and rhythm.  something is ending.  something new is starting.  and in four months it’ll be back to square one of figuring out the next thing.  my church is moving to atlanta.  my friends are getting married.  my apartment buddies are leaving and moving all about.  the office as i used to know it doesn’t really exist and won’t be waiting for me.  my job and position have been given up.  i have no idea what i’m walking in to or what awaits me on the other side.  but i feel, with full force today, the stuff i’m walking away from.

i promise this is going to sound absurd.  but one of the hardest things for me to walk away from is a red couch.  not so much the couch itself, but what it’s represented for me.

this red couch isn’t mine. it sits in an apartment just above me and i visit on occasion.   i’ve shared meals on this couch, laughed on this couch, slept on this couch and cried on this couch.

oh my word, how i have cried on this couch.

this couch has heard my dreams, my disappointments and my secrets. it has been a place of both truth and comfort, a place to grieve and a place to find hope again.

it’s been a safe place. a place to exhale.  a place to rest.

but, as good and sweet and necessary as the rest has been, i’m not meant to rest forever.  sitting on that couch too long makes me restless.  hm.  that’s funny – getting restless is maybe the prophetic word that it’s time to “rest less.”

it’s definitely time for me to go.  time for me to walk into some stuff, out of some stuff and away from some stuff.  there’s such joy in seeing some promises fulfilled.  but, man.  it hurts.  it hurts to walk away from things that are so good.  so comfortable.  it’s tough to make the decision that does’t always feel nice.  at the moment, i’d rather just stay on the couch.  

except that i wouldn’t really.  

i know this is right.  i know that i need to be away from the couch for a minute.  and today’s best reminder of God’s love and care for me is His gentle reassurance that the red couch will be waiting for me when i come home.

mommy, wow. i’m a big girl now.

i was inspired to write a blog this morning when my friend and co-worker sara’s latest popped up in my google reader this morning.

i’m leaving in less than nineteen hours to head out to nyc for a business trip.  business trip. that sounds professional and grown up.  but, don’t worry.  we’re still on business for jesus.  and so we’ll be youth-groupin’ it in our 15 passenger van and sleeping on a church floor.  some things just might not ever change.

i’m gearing up for the 16-hour drive.  well, i’m trying to.  note to self : buy dramamine.  for everyone’s sake.

i have a lot to do before we pull out at 5 am.

. work.  there are all kinds of fun things happening in real life.  but i need to make sure they are all under control before i peace out for six days.

. pack.  oops.  probably should have done that.  we’ve all been instructed to pack our “trendy” clothes.  so we can blend in i guess.  maybe i’ve had to go shopping for a few things.  and i’m still not convinced i’m new york ready.

. celebrate the birth of k.chad.  i’m gonna miss her birthday, so we’re going taking her out to celebrate.  sure to be a good time.  happy one, kel!

. charge iPod.  16 hours in a van.  ’nuff said.

. pay rent.  and bills.

well, i’m new york city bound.  should be a good time.  er, i mean.  an educational and very professional time.  for jesus.  on a church floor.  in trendy clothes.  oh gosh.