as is par for the course with most of the transitions in my life, i find myself currently sitting somewhere between the bitter and sweet. i felt the same sentiment of a few months ago when i was scared to death to leave my friends, my routine, my comfort. although this time i’m sitting in the middle of thailand; sweating to death and hoping to not see white rice again for a long while.
i’ve begun the process of transitioning out of this squad. we picked and announced new squad leaders a few weeks ago. we’ve raised up new team leaders and put people on new teams. we’ve traveled to a new country. we’ve settled into new ministry locations and have begun to embrace a new culture. i’m learning how to share a role with two more people. more than share it, i’m learning how to give it up. hand it over. set it aside. it’s no longer about me finding my footing or figuring out how to be a squad leader. now it’s my job to see them do it. push them into it. watch them succeed. bend down so they can stand on my shoulders.
brian, who’s affectionately known as chino, is such an incredible man of god. he’s got more passion than anyone else i’ve known. his heart for the lord and his heart for people inspires me to be better. the way he pursues the lord with everything inside of him is both a conviction and a comfort. when he prays, i tear up. every single time. brian walks in a gentle kind of strength that he’s not even aware of. his humility and willingness to serve those around him will gain him respect that he cannot imagine. he chooses the stuff in front of him because he wants more than anything to look like his Father. brian has surprised me around every corner with the way he jumps into things, the way he motivates and challenges people, and the way he always goes above and beyond. i am sure that squad leading will be no different and i cannot wait to see what surprises both brian and the lord have in store.
and that’s okay. it’s how i’m wired and it’s who i am. and i know, with full assurance, that the lord can handle my struggle. so i give it up. i lay it down. i set aside. i push and promote and bend down for the people i believe in.
and while it’s hard and bitter and kind of makes me want to cry. i also can’t help but be thankful for the people who have done the very same thing for me. and that’s the sweet part.