my emotions are on high alert today. the conflicting excitement of what’s about to begin in the next twenty four hours mixed with the fact that i have to say goodbye. just, well. there have been some tears. and maybe a cuss word. or two. or twelve.
for me, it’s the goodbye of such a sweet season. because when i come back, everything is sure to be different. i’m not on hiatus from a routine and rhythm. something is ending. something new is starting. and in four months it’ll be back to square one of figuring out the next thing. my church is moving to atlanta. my friends are getting married. my apartment buddies are leaving and moving all about. the office as i used to know it doesn’t really exist and won’t be waiting for me. my job and position have been given up. i have no idea what i’m walking in to or what awaits me on the other side. but i feel, with full force today, the stuff i’m walking away from.
i promise this is going to sound absurd. but one of the hardest things for me to walk away from is a red couch. not so much the couch itself, but what it’s represented for me.
oh my word, how i have cried on this couch.
this couch has heard my dreams, my disappointments and my secrets. it has been a place of both truth and comfort, a place to grieve and a place to find hope again.
it’s been a safe place. a place to exhale. a place to rest.
but, as good and sweet and necessary as the rest has been, i’m not meant to rest forever. sitting on that couch too long makes me restless. hm. that’s funny – getting restless is maybe the prophetic word that it’s time to “rest less.”
it’s definitely time for me to go. time for me to walk into some stuff, out of some stuff and away from some stuff. there’s such joy in seeing some promises fulfilled. but, man. it hurts. it hurts to walk away from things that are so good. so comfortable. it’s tough to make the decision that does’t always feel nice. at the moment, i’d rather just stay on the couch.
except that i wouldn’t really.
i know this is right. i know that i need to be away from the couch for a minute. and today’s best reminder of God’s love and care for me is His gentle reassurance that the red couch will be waiting for me when i come home.